I have to be big and strong: a case of Sanguis panther tigris atlaicaby Sam Scarffe
The patient is a forty-year-old woman suffering from severe premenstrual symptoms. For about five days before her period, she becomes extremely oversensitive, with outbursts of rage at her partner, followed by tears. She has repetitive thoughts and describes herself as 'unstable and obsessive' at this time. She also has intense headaches in the cerebellum, achy shoulders, and a very sore throat and eyes. All these symptoms are much worse since the birth of her first child, eighteen months previously.
In the questionaire she writes: “I feel depressed in my heart when my period comes, as I wish to conceive our second child. Each month has become a roller-coaster of disappointment and sadness. Mainly, I wish to stop putting myself through this."
In the interview room, I find an attractive woman with striking eye make-up. She tells me she is a full time mother now but formerly worked as an illustrator. Her last project was "A spiritual book about 'Who you can be'....taking ten different subjects from nature".
Patient (P): "People don't like to reveal their vulnerabilities. For instance, the image I present is not always the real me. I present as confident and brash but I'm really very sensitive and vulnerable, especially when walking into new situations. If there is anything slightly inharmonious, I feel tense, my throat gets dry and a rash come up on my chest and neck. In my mother’s house, it's a discordant environment. You can feel the vibration if people are not being totally honest or totally genuine with you.
“I put myself through a brazen period, spent time as a bar manager in London. I thought you had to be tough, a strong empowered woman. I didn't have empathy for the vulnerability of others. I was on the attack, not letting anyone see what's going on. You don't let anyone take advantage of you, take you by surprise. You don’t let anyone get close.
“My dad was a poor role model and my mother was weak. I chose to emulate my father because he was more powerful and seemed to be getting what he wanted. He was also trying to be something he wasn't – a social chameleon like me. It can leave you lonely because you're not really showing your true self to anyone. You're portraying a character in order to fit in, you're a control freak.
“I've had a lot of romantic rejection. For the first six months, I'd keep up the image of the perfect, sexy, attractive woman. Then, that would start to crumble because that's not what I was. I'd start to become clingy and needy, especially around my period. The guys would show they weren't going to be bossed by me and I'd go to extremes - bossy one moment, then pathetic the next.
“Sometimes, I wake up and feel like a she-devil, really grumpy; quiet, surly and short tempered for the first hour. I growl a lot. I feel exactly like a tiger, like I'm going to pounce. I used to have a cat that looked like a tiger.
“My child is really divine, a blessing. I feel like a small child myself - lonely, sad and flat. Each month, I get the stuffing knocked out of me again by not conceiving. I'm trying to create a happier home. When I was growing up, I didn't see our family as a cohesive unit. I want my family now to be warm and connected, not cold and separate. I went the opposite way, became open, big hearted, wanting to connect.
“I have repetitive thoughts about my mother. I'm angry about what I'd like to say but can't, so these thoughts keep going around my head. She said you've got to compromise in relationships. As a child, I saw her submissive and seething, keeping it all in. I'm lonely and isolated. I'd like more girlfriends, someone who understands me, but by wanting to connect to people I lose myself.
“There's a burning in my shoulders, from the top of my back up to the back of my head, like a vice; gripping and drilling in. My throat is burning dry and sore. Most of my life, I've had a raging thirst and drink too much water. I love to eat fish +++
"My dreams are always about finding a permanent base. I'm a gypsy. I love nature and animals, especially warm-blooded mammals. I don't like spiders."
About her eye make-up: "I'm an artist...my eyes are everything!"
Prescription: Sanguis panthera tigris altaica (Siberian tiger blood) 200C
Tiger has themes of being powerful to get what you want, being in control, concealment, toughness/proving oneself, taking the fathers role, isolation. Vision is paramount: he can see you but you cannot see him (eye symptoms and burning pains in the proving).
Telephone call after four weeks: "I've conceived! Now, I’m feeling wonderful. Every cell in my body is joyful...I feel integrated... outside and inside."
Over the next year, I get three telephone calls requesting a repeat of the remedy. Meanwhile, the patient gives birth to her second child. In a recent card she writes: “I took the last remedy about three weeks ago. I'm feeling really amazing, no crying this time! I feel really alive and energised, like the remedy is forcing me out of my own suppression.”
Keywords: severe premenstrual symptoms, difficulty to conceive, headache, raging thirst, burning eyes and throat, vulnerability masked by assurance
Remedies: Sanguis panther tigris altaica.